Mangling the Classics

The statements below are extracted from the exams written by this semester's crop of future citizens and leaders. I weep for the future of the republic.

On the Aeneid:

To conquer the city of Troy, the Greeks had to capture a horse.

Aeneas carries a missle toe with him to the Underworld. Aeneas does this because it brought back memories of the past with his family around the holidays.

Aeneas differs from most epic heroes because he had to have a plant with him to feel safe.

On Beowulf:

Beowulf dies while fitting the dragon. (For what? A ball gown?)

On Inferno:

Dante is pursued by three beasts: the lion of violence, the leopard of fraud, and the wolf of incompetence.

Dante chose Virgil as his guide in the Underworld because he was dead.

Charon is the fairy boat captain who takes Aeneas and Dante across the river

On The Canterbury Tales:

Chaucer and his companions are going to see Thomas Beckett. They are going to tell him stories.

On a sonnet by Sir Thomas Wyatt:

In 'Divers Doth Use,' Wyatt says some men go pail and grown ...

On some Elizabethan playwright or other:

Mephostophilis is a character in Macbeth

On John Donne:

Donne says not to ask for whom the bells tolls because it could be you.

On Paradise Lost:

Milton's stated purpose was to 'assert internal prudence and to justify the ways of bad men.' (The correct quote is 'assert Eternal Providence/And justify the ways of God to men.')

verso - recto